Having same-sex attraction is not the same as being gay. A person can experience different types of attraction toward another person, whether of the same or opposite sex. Not every form of attraction is necessarily sexual or erotic in nature. Therefore, experiencing same-sex attraction does not necessarily mean that a person is gay or lesbian.

Same-sex attraction can take several forms – it may not be sexual, such as in an adolescent crush; and may be experienced as involuntary – it appears to be something that “cannot be helped”. Innocent same-sex attraction can spring from a normal need for appropriate affection and affirmation from someone of the same sex whom one admires. On the other hand, same-sex attraction can also take on a sexual nature.

There are people who experience same-sex attraction, but who have chosen not to pursue their same-sex desires.

While same-sex attraction may not be chosen, one can choose whether or not to act upon one’s same-sex desires. There are people who experience same-sex attraction, but who have chosen not to pursue their same-sex desires. There are also same-sex attracted people who have chosen not to identify as gay.

Indiscriminate and excessive teasing – or even bullying – may push young people to misunderstand their gender identity.

Indiscriminate and excessive teasing – or even bullying – may push young people to misunderstand their gender identity. This may cause confusion over their sexual identity and orientation especially when innocent same-sex attractions become sexualised during puberty.

So when someone tells you they are attracted to someone of the same sex, it may not be helpful to immediately label them as gay or lesbian. Hear more from them about their story. Provide an understanding presence and a listening ear.