TLi is a safe space for Christians to know more about LGBTQ issues and to pursue God faithfully. Some in our ministry are Christians with same-sex attraction but have decided for themselves not to act on their same-sex attraction. We are deeply concerned about these allegations and would like to address them in this statement.

1. Video Showed Was NOT About “Conversion Therapy”

Certain commentators about this incident were quick to allege that TLi does “conversion therapy”. We would like to address this misinformation.

None of our videos condone or promote “conversion therapy”. The video that was shown during the assembly can be found here. This is a Christian testimony of hope. It tells of how a person who experiences same-sex attraction found wholeness and fulfilment in God.

Contrary to the allegations that TLi encourages people to “suppress their desires”, this video which features Shaun’s story, specifically mentions that suppression and embracing of same-sex desires “did not seem to be working”. Shaun then goes on to share about how God revealed to him that, amongst other positive attributes, he is “complete, not lacking”, and that he is who God says he is.

TLi is committed to being a safe space for Christians who choose to pursue God faithfully. The primary goal of this pursuit is not orientation change, but to build a living relationship with a loving God and to experience His holy, life-giving ways. We believe that every person’s fullest potential and fulfilment is found in God Himself. The appetites of the human heart are ultimately only satisfied in His love for us.

We value every person as wonderfully made in the Image of God. It is on this basis that we condemn all forms of coercive, manipulative and abusive practices guised in the name of ‘therapy’ with the goal of changing a person’s sexual orientation.

We are committed to serving those who are seeking answers from a Biblical Christian view, including those who find themselves weary or empty after embracing their same-sex desires.

In Christ, there is hope for everyone who trusts in Him and His Word. TLi as a ministry will stay faithful to this positive biblical message of hope.

2. Previous Statements On “Conversion Therapy”

We have previously put up a statement in response to Heckin’ Unicorn, to both address the false allegations and to extend an invitation for a private meeting to discuss differences and/or understand objections.

It is unfortunate that to date, Heckin’ Unicorn has not been willing to engage in meaningful conversations with us. He has yet to take up the invitation, censors comments from members of our community on his post and continues to make unsubstantiated accusations against us. We like to reiterate the invitation to the founder of Heckin’ Unicorn to a private meeting to understand one another better.

We have also written a response to Singapore Psychological Society’s (SPS) denouncing of “conversion therapy” in favour of an “affirmation-only” approach to counsel those trying to make sense of their sexuality and gender identity.

In this piece, we re-iterated that “TLi is not out to change anyone’s sexual orientation. We also condemn all forms of coercive, manipulative and abusive practices guised in the name of ‘therapy’ with the goal of changing a person’s sexual orientation.” We even encouraged the SPS to dialogue with various religious groups to better understand how religious groups can help voluntary individuals struggling with LGBTQ issues without “conversion therapy”.

For people who have been wondering or repeatedly accusing TLi of conducting or promoting “conversion therapy”, we recommend reading both of the above-mentioned statements.

3. Allegations of promoting or conducting harmful “conversion therapy” are divisive and have to be addressed

The post by Heckin’ Unicorn makes a serious allegation that TLi is “a known perpetrator of conversion therapy practices” and that harmful acts are committed on “LGBTQ individuals”.

Such allegations are not only defamatory towards our ministry, it also affects the reputations of other churches who have been supportive of TLi (TLi has partnered more than 100 churches in Singapore).

Left unaddressed, these allegations can lead to feelings of enmity, hatred or ill will between Christians and those who experience same-sex attraction. There may also be the creation of distrust between religious leaders and their members who are misled by the deliberately perpetuated falsehoods.

These could contribute to disharmony in our society as we seek to find the best way forward on sensitive issues regarding society’s overall well-being, religion and identity.

Beyond the damage that such false accusations have done to our ministry, these allegations are also extremely hurtful to our story sharers.

Our story sharers are micro-minorities who often find their life stories silenced by many. Despite the potential loss of social capital, privacy and other personal costs, our story sharers have exhibited courage that few have to share about their lived experiences in order to bring hope to others who face similar struggles.

In a special report on our website titled “WeExist”, our story sharers made it clear that: “We did not go through conversion therapy. We were not brainwashed. Don’t cancel or censor our stories with these false assumptions or accusations.”.

We respect that not everyone agrees with or wants the Biblical Christian view and testimonies concerning a person’s quest to find answers to their experience with LGBTQ issues. Yet for the sake of those who do, we ask that we respect their lived experiences and honest sharings.

True inclusivity would be to accept the Ex-LGBTQ Community among us and hear their stories.

Whether we are followers of Christ or not, may we create a safe environment for them. They exist. They matter. They belong in our society. They deserve to be respected and heard. No one should be bullied for their views or lived experiences.

Truelove.is (TLi) is a safe space for Christians to know more about LGBTQ issues and to pursue God faithfully. Some of us are Christians with same-sex attraction but have decided for ourselves not to act on our same-sex attraction. We are deeply concerned about the statement released by SPS as an ideological/political advocacy coming from a professional body is troubling. Let us explain why.

• Definition of ‘conversion therapy’

The SPS defined ‘conversion therapy’ as involving “varied psychological and therapeutic interventions with the primary aim of altering one’s sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to one that is primarily heterosexual.” It goes on to list three “common techniques in conversion therapy” which includes “behavioural techniques (e.g. masturbatory reconditioning, aversive conditioning, abstinence training)”, “cognitive techniques (e.g. cognitive restructuring, ‘gender lessons’)”, and “religious techniques (e.g. prayer, reliance on higher power to change orientation)”.

We have previously written a response to Heckin’ Unicorn’s stories of “conversion therapy” and stated clearly that TLi is not out to change anyone’s sexual orientation. We also condemn all forms of coercive, manipulative and abusive practices guised in the name of ‘therapy’ with the goal of changing a person’s sexual orientation.

However, as a psychological association, SPS seems to be unfairly painting all forms of religious help for people struggling with same-sex attraction or gender identity issues to be ‘practicing conversion therapy’. This could not be further from the truth. We would like to encourage the SPS to dialogue with various religious groups and better understand how religious groups can help voluntary individuals struggling with LGBTQ issues in a consent-based, ‘non-affirming’ way without ‘conversion therapy’.

Additionally, Yahoo News seems to have snuck a broader definition of ‘conversion therapy’ into their article, possibly misleading readers to attribute it to SPS. The article’s definition of ‘conversion therapy’ states “Conversion therapy might be performed by mental health professionals, religious practitioners or the community and family members. It seeks to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity, or to reduce their non-heterosexual sexual attraction or sexual behaviour.” The italicised and bolded portion was not in the SPS statement. It was taken from the recent Straits Times article titled “Canadian MPs pass Bill banning LGBTQ ‘conversion Therapy’”, which screenshot was use by SPS. Even the sponsor of the Bill – Canadian Minister of Justice noted that, if passed, the Bill will make Canada’s criminal laws on conversion therapy the most progressive and comprehensive in the world. By directly pinning such an extreme definition on SPS, Yahoo News may have caused unnecessary misunderstanding against the Society. We hope that Yahoo News can take note about this.

• Flaws of ‘affirmation-only’ approach ignored

The SPS’s post essentially advocates an ‘affirmation-only’ approach. This is only fair and right if indeed the ‘affirmation-only’ approach is proven to be flawless and harmless.

However, a high-profile legal suit in the United Kingdom taken by a detransitioned woman, Keira Bell against the UK’s gender clinic, clearly shows the harm of an ‘affirmation-only’ approach to gender identity issues.

Bell said “I should have been challenged on the proposals or the claims that I was making for myself… And I think that would have made a big difference as well… I was allowed to run with this idea that I had, almost like a fantasy, as a teenager…. and it has affected me in the long run as an adult”. The High Court ruled in her favour, deciding that under-16s were unlikely to be able to give informed consent to what it described as “experimental” treatment, which is sometimes used to pause puberty in children experiencing gender dysphoria”.

Some of us have also personally gone through the ‘affirmation-only’ approach to explore our sexuality and found it to be harmful and not beneficial. We are all more than our feelings, and we know that sometimes our feelings can lead us astray. Being blindly affirmed on our feelings/desires and told that alternatives are impossible does not help us process our thoughts and feelings constructively. You can understand more about this from our stories such as in James Parker’s testimony here.

• Ideological activism is harmful

SPS’s post stated that “research has shown that sexual orientation change efforts are ineffective and harmful…”. It does not go on to explain that there are studies to show how sexual orientation change efforts significantly help people who voluntarily seek help to reduce unwanted same-sex attraction. Such an unqualified statement by SPS communicates an ideological belief that not only should no one be able to seek help and explore their sexuality or gender identity in a ‘non-affirming’ way, but also that it is impossible to experience a change in sexual attraction or identification (sexuality or gender). To insinuate this is both empirically wrong and an attempt to erase stories like ours. We exist.

We also encourage the SPS to, as a professional body, be neutral and truly evidence-based by also sharing the benefits of non-affirming approaches which some LGBT clients may consider.

We are committed to be a safe space for Christians to know more about LGBTQ issues and to pursue God faithfully. The primary goal of this pursuit is not orientation change, but to build a living relationship with a loving God and to experience His holy, life-giving ways. However, if any shifts in desires occur in our story sharers as result of this pursuit, we want to honour their stories by accurately reflecting these authentic lived experiences as well.

As Christians, we believe our primary, authentic self lies in being a beloved child of God. Our desire to pursue God can, and should be, above all other desires – including LGBTQ desires. There are Christians with LGBTQ+ stories who do not see their sexuality or gender identity to be their core self, and instead want to pursue being their authentic self by living a life that is congruent with their deeply-held religious beliefs.

We support the rights of people to seek help from competent professionals and religious leaders of their choice. Sexuality and gender, along with moral values and religious beliefs, are very intimate, personal and sensitive matters. We should respect the freedom of people to voluntarily approach others for assistance and to build relationships as part of their personal development and growth.

We recognise SPS’s desire and aspiration to ‘advance psychology as a science and as a profession in Singapore’. It will be a pity for SPS to lose its focus by venturing into virtue signalling or ideological activism. We also hope that other professional associations can stay focused and faithful to their professional practice, not bowing to the cultural pressures of our time. This will be of great benefit for people who are struggling with LGBTQ issues.

I have spoken to people who identify or have identified as LGBTQ, and I have heard many similar stories of rejection, abuse, and physical and mental pain they have suffered. Often, pain is greatest when caused by some of the people closest to us, such as our families or religious communities.

I appreciate the good faith efforts of Heckin’ Unicorn in highlighting the instances of abuse in their blog posts and I would likewise encourage victims of abuse to report such matters to the relevant authorities, or to pursue necessary legal recourse.

As a Christian and as pastor of 3:16 Church, I wish to be absolutely clear that we are firmly against coercive, manipulative and abusive practices, and are especially concerned when such practices are carried out on children and young people. I also take the view that therapy/help should only be rendered when sought voluntarily and I recognize that the competence and experience of help professionals or religious leaders will impact the effectiveness of such help or the benefits experienced by clients. Gaps here may even sometimes result in harm.

I resonate strongly with the words of District Judge William F. Jung in the case of Vazzo v City of Tampa (2019): “Nothing is more intimate, more private, and more sensitive, than a growing young man or woman talking to a mental health therapist about sex, gender, preferences, and conflicting feelings.”

TrueLove.is (TLi) supports the right of people who seek help voluntarily with competent helping professionals and religious leaders of their choice. Sexuality and gender, along with moral values and religious beliefs, are very intimate, personal and sensitive matters. We should respect the freedom of people to approach others for assistance and to build relationships as part of their personal development and growth.

This is why 3:16 Church was inspired to start TrueLove.is, to provide stories and resources for Christians who want to know more about LGBTQ issues. The real-life stories of individuals who have come out and come home have shown that there is no such thing as a “quick fix”.

As I had previously made clear in my post on 8 May 2019, TLi is not out to change anyone’s sexual orientation. However, we have not shied away from documenting such changes when they are the real experiences of some story-sharers, none of whom have been coerced to change. There are men and women who have same-sex attraction, but no longer identify as gay or lesbian, and their lived experiences are valid and have a place in the conversation. When they decided to stop acting on their same-sex attraction, they did not feel they were welcome in the LGBTQ community anymore. TLi has become an important community for them.

Recently, there have been demands for them to stop sharing their experiences. Unfortunately, the efforts to deny the validity of their experiences or to silence them will bring them back to those feelings of isolation again.

While I condemn all forms of coercive, manipulative and abusive practices recorded in the stories of Sam, Iani, and Tom, mischaracterizing TLi’s stories as “conversion therapy” is not helpful for open conversations and it shuts down meaningful dialogues on an already difficult matter. This approach of broad stroking by Heckin’ Unicorn ignores the diversity of experiences of people with unwanted SSA for seeking help as they navigate matters relating to their sexuality. A commitment to honour people with LGBTQ stories requires one to also pay attention to the variety of lived experiences, instead of ignoring or misinterpreting them.

Ultimately, the stories featured by TLi demonstrate that it is a lifelong journey of learning and growing in Jesus, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life. It is about the heart of our Heavenly Father for His children. These Christians who seek to live faithfully to God have not suppressed themselves or their desires, but have chosen to express their sexuality in a different way (singleness or opposite-sex marriage) in living out their true, authentic self. As a church family, we are called to inspire hope in God’s unconditional love that He has shown us through Jesus Christ.

For more information on TLi, please see: truelove.is/weexist

I wish to take the opportunity to correct the allegation by Heckin’ Unicorn that TLi (or one of their speakers) asserted that people who are attracted to others of the same gender are not gay unless they have sex with them.

That was not what the speaker had said. What the speaker said was that a man who has sex with men (behaviour) might just be experimenting, and not gay (identity).

As Heckin’ Unicorn has expressed objections about TLi’s Ministry, I would like to invite the founders of Heckin’ Unicorn for a closed-door meeting to better understand their objections.

– Pastor Ian Toh

Who accepts you? And what gives you hope? What do you do when depression seems to always be an unwelcome companion. And when loneliness and rejection are too much to bear, who can you turn to?

If you’re struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, know this. You are not a victim, you are stronger than you know. You are wanted and you are loved. Don’t just come out, come home.

Listen as 4 Christians who used to struggle with same-sex attraction share about their journeys out of depression and suicidal thoughts, and into joy. Like them, you can overcome too.

Dear friends, I am Pastor Ian Toh from TrueLove.Is. I read this article about our recent TrueLove.is X Heartbeat Project Symposium with great interest, but also immense sadness. I truly appreciate what the writer posted. I have learnt much from reading his article. Even though we did not get a chance to meet that day, I hope to meet him one day. I believe it would be a good opportunity to learn more on how Truelove.is can be better. It would also be a good opportunity to dialogue on certain views he holds which are quite different from mine:

(a) The writer seems to hold the world-view that LGBTQ people within the church must be free to pursue same-sex relationships.

(b) The writer also seems to believe that this same-sex desire should to be celebrated by churches, and that for a church to be truly accepting of LGBTQ people, it must celebrate the pursuit of same-sex relationships.

I hope I have not misrepresented his views, which I have gleaned from his article.

These world-views may be held by many but it is not universal to all who have same-sex attraction. In my time working with Christians with same-sex attraction, I have learnt that they struggle with being told that there is only one way to deal with same-sex attraction. Sadly, we don’t hear much about them because their stories often aren’t told.

Many of these Christians with same-sex attraction feel that they have been marginalized by some members of the LGBTQ community and their allies because their worldview isn’t in agreement with the two established community narratives – that you’re born this way, and that you can’t change. Sadly, for the ones who have been bold enough to share their struggles, hate-filled responses to their personal stories reinforce their belief that it is not safe for them to come out to the pro-LGBTQ community after they’ve chosen a life of faith, in which they explore a life which confronts the established community narratives of being born this way and change not being possible.

The pain of this group is amplified in that they often still feel marginalized by the church as well. Some feel that their church is not a safe place for them to share their experiences and struggles, and as the writer has pointed out, they struggle with what they perceive to be the judgment of their fellow Christians.

It is for these reasons that TrueLove.Is ministry exists; to meet the needs of and provide a community for this precious group of people who may feel caught between two worlds.

TrueLove.Is

(1) TrueLove.Is seeks to reach out to and encourage the many within the Church who struggle to reconcile their faith and their same-sex attraction. It is to provide a platform for them to know that they are not alone and it is not a sin to experience same-sex attraction. Straight or gay, all of us are sinners in need of forgiveness, love and grace. And, thankfully, a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ allows us to receive these blessings!

(2) TrueLove.Is truly cares for these Christians, who are so very brave to share their stories of struggle. We have shared numerous, authentic stories of these brave Christian because we believe primarily in listening to them, not speaking at them, or merely talking with them. Indeed, many of the story-sharers came to us and voluntarily asked TrueLove.Is to tell their stories! Jason, Tamae and Vincent are some examples, just to name a few. Their stories have since blessed thousands worldwide.

(3) TrueLove.Is was set up for the larger Church to hear the stories of these story-sharers and grow to become a safer and more loving community. This, I admit, is not easy, as the church is made up of imperfect people like myself, all of whom are in desperate need of God’s forgiveness and love. We don’t always get it right, but we’re really trying because we really care.

TrueLove.Is is set up for the Church, by the Church.

What is TrueLove.Is not?

(1) TrueLove.Is does not seek to argue with anyone who believes that a LGBTQ person must be free to pursue a same-sex relationship or activities. It is the prerogative of each person to pursue what they believe is true.

(2) TrueLove.Is is not out to change anyone’s sexual orientation. However, we have not shied away from documenting such changes when they are the real experiences of some story-sharers, none of who have been coerced to change.

(3) TrueLove.Is does not assert that “straight” Christians are holier or have the moral high ground compared to those with same-sex attraction. We do not seek to condemn or alienate Christians who have such struggles; we want to provide opportunities for them to express their struggles in a safe environment and find care and support if needed.

The fact that TrueLove.Is does not focus on the sins which straight Christians struggle with is not a suggestion that straight Christians “occupy a higher moral ground and must lift gay people up to their level of morality” – we are painfully aware of the fact that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It is simply a function of the mission of TrueLove.Is, which is to reach out to people who are struggling and walk with them in their journey.

As I round off my thoughts in response to the writer’s article, I want to again express my appreciation to him:

I thank you for sharing your experience after the symposium. I have learnt much from reading your article. Thanks for not doubting that we have the best intentions for people with same-sex attraction. I believe the perspectives you shared will help inform how TrueLove.Is can better understand and serve those who struggle. We have reflected on your comments of shutting out criticism and will do better.

Thank you also for sharing how you felt when I told the story of my earliest experience with a church member who has same-sex attraction. (Yes, that was me). It was not meant to make fun of anyone. Making fun of someone with same-sex attraction would be totally against the ethos of TrueLove.Is. I was in fact, making fun of my own ignorance back then. I wanted to share the mistakes I made in the initial stage of reaching out people with same-sex attraction within the church. Speaking to them and being entrusted with the opportunity to journey with them has opened my eyes and really changed my approach towards them.

Regardless of my intention, I sincerely apologise for making you, any others in attendance, or anyone who has read your post feel alienated or ridiculed as a result of the symposium. For making you feel that you were viewed as a target of my insensitivity, not someone to be understood but something to be conquered, I sincerely ask for your forgiveness.

I’d really like the opportunity to have a conversation with you and get to know you better. So if you are open, I would like to invite you for coffee or a meal together. As there seems to be no way to reach you, if you are willing, please reach me at this email address: Hello@Truelove.is

We will continue to look to Jesus Christ to improve our expressions of love – Jesus is the ultimate model of it.

Blessings,
Pastor Ian Toh
TrueLove.Is

When God made the first covenant ever recorded in the bible (Genesis 9:12-15), it was marked by a rainbow. The colours that were splashed across the sky wasn’t just for us to remember the promise when we saw it; it served as a reminder for God Himself. The rainbow indicated a new beginning for the living creatures on Earth, Noah and everyone that came after.

Over the course of 11/11 this year, the rainbow marked the turning of the tides in Taiwan. In the area where the first gay parade was held 15 years ago, it was a new day by the monumental Taipei 101, where people from 16 different countries gathered to celebrate the stories of overcomers from all over the world.

The inaugural Overcomer Festival was the first public homecoming for 40 overcomers from all around the world who have redirected their desires to a greater love instead. They flooded the land with testimonies of overcoming same-sex attraction, depression and rejection. Some who used to be pioneers of LGBT activism have turned 180 degrees in their quest for True Love.

More than the turnout and the programs, personal stories took centerstage. What was thought to be personal journeys turned out to have a global impact to places unimaginable.

This was a moment of destiny for many who once doubted the purpose and meaning of their lives and stories. The overcomers caught a glimpse of the weight of their stories; a demonstration of the higher and perfect ways of the Father – it was a full circle moment for many. Beyond language and culture, this exchange saw a family that transcended geographical boundaries.

“The overcomers are the appointed messengers of God’s grace and love in this kairos moment and the Church gets to come alongside in a supportive role in a time such as this.”

11/11 was also a recognising of the significance of the Church in the personal stories of these overcomers and a reminder of our purpose in this: we have the privilege of modelling love and creating safe spaces for people to come home to. We are to empower overcomers so that they can through their stories, “go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation”.

Just like the Father celebrates with His finest for His prodigals, no longer will homecoming parties be private occasions – they will be celebrated in public spaces, all are invited. Today, an inter-continental movement has been birthed, one of faith, hope and love. A worldwide homecoming.

We welcome you home in the name of Jesus.

“Coming out of the closet” is a term that’s often used to describe the process of disclosing one’s sexual orientation to someone else.

In the coming-out process, always remember that you are more than your sexuality.

Shame dies when stories can be told in safe places.

Where is this safe place, you ask?

The Apostle Paul teaches in Ephesians 5 that as we bring what is hidden in the dark into God’s light and presence—as we take our secret out of the closet and into the light—the shame that comes with hiding loses its power over us.

Ephesians 5:8-13, The Passion Translation (TPT)
You have the very light of our Lord shining through you because of your union with him. Your mission is to live as children flooded with his revelation-light! And the supernatural fruits of his light will be seen in you—goodness, righteousness, and truth. Then you will learn to choose what is beautiful to our Lord.

And don’t even associate with the servants of darkness because they have no fruit in them; instead, reveal truth to them. The very things they do in secret are too vile and filthy to even mention. Whatever the revelation-light exposes, it will also correct, and everything that reveals truth is light to the soul.

After coming out of the closet and coming out into the light, where do we go from here? The moment of coming out is also a decision of coming to terms and seeking acceptance—an acceptance of self, acceptance by our loved ones or acceptance by society.

Some people who come out have positive experiences, but some, unfortunately, do not. While human love is both wonderful and flawed, God’s love is far greater and better.

John 6:37 (TPT)
But everyone my Father has given to me, they will come. And all who come to me, I will embrace and will never turn them away.

Just as the son can come home to his father in the Parable of the Runaway Son, we can come to our Heavenly Father as His beloved child. As the son comes home to his father, the first instinct of his father was not harsh. Instead, in the most loving act a father can do for his son, he called out for his servants to bring the best robe to put it on his beloved son, calling for a feast and a celebration for the prodigal son’s return.

Luke 15:22- 23 (TPT)
“Turning to his servants, the father said, ‘Quick, bring me the best robe, my very own robe, and I will place it on his shoulders. Bring the ring, the seal of sonship, and I will put it on his finger. And bring out the best shoes you can find for my son. Let’s prepare a great feast and celebrate.

If we can grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, imagine how our Father rejoices when we come home to Him as His beloved sons and daughters.

So don’t just come out. Come home. The Father is waiting for you.

By Tan Liwen

Having same-sex attraction is not the same as being gay. A person can experience different types of attraction toward another person, whether of the same or opposite sex. Not every form of attraction is necessarily sexual or erotic in nature. Therefore, experiencing same-sex attraction does not necessarily mean that a person is gay or lesbian.

Same-sex attraction can take several forms – it may not be sexual, such as in an adolescent crush; and may be experienced as involuntary – it appears to be something that “cannot be helped”. Innocent same-sex attraction can spring from a normal need for appropriate affection and affirmation from someone of the same sex whom one admires. On the other hand, same-sex attraction can also take on a sexual nature.

There are people who experience same-sex attraction, but who have chosen not to pursue their same-sex desires.

While same-sex attraction may not be chosen, one can choose whether or not to act upon one’s same-sex desires. There are people who experience same-sex attraction, but who have chosen not to pursue their same-sex desires. There are also same-sex attracted people who have chosen not to identify as gay.

Indiscriminate and excessive teasing – or even bullying – may push young people to misunderstand their gender identity.

Indiscriminate and excessive teasing – or even bullying – may push young people to misunderstand their gender identity. This may cause confusion over their sexual identity and orientation especially when innocent same-sex attractions become sexualised during puberty.

So when someone tells you they are attracted to someone of the same sex, it may not be helpful to immediately label them as gay or lesbian. Hear more from them about their story. Provide an understanding presence and a listening ear.

Homosexuality is multi-faceted. It involves many aspects: desires, behaviour, orientation, and identity.

Homosexual desires: Feeling emotional and/or physical desires for people of the same sex.

Homosexual behaviour: Acting on one’s emotional and/or physical desires for people of the same sex. For example, pursuing a same-sex romantic relationship or being involved in same-sex sexual activity.

Homosexual orientation: Experiencing a persistent pattern of emotional and/or physical desires for people of the same sex.

Homosexual identity: Identifying as a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person.

The term “homosexual” is used to describe a person who in adult life has an enduring, definite and preferential erotic/sexual attraction to members of the same sex and who usually engages in overt sexual relations with them.¹

The term “gay” is typically used to describe homosexual men and “lesbian” to describe homosexual women.

Contrary to popular understanding, homosexuality is not so much driven by sexual needs...

Contrary to popular understanding, homosexuality is not so much driven by sexual needs as it is driven by a (conscious or unconscious) desire to be loved and to love another person, especially of the same-sex.^{2, 3}

Endnotes